The Endless Night
by suspianxxx
Summary: It's time for King Caspian V (5th) to take a bride, he has one month left until the descision is no longer his. The woman he chooses is broken and has never stepped out of the shadows. Finding love is hard when you've never been loved by anything. Thank you for reading (If you did obvs :) )
1. Chapter 1

**Hia this is sort of an experiment, this does have really serious themes in it, just to warn you, i don't want to upset anyone. Anyways thank you for reading.**

 _Stop! Please I beg of you!_

I disgust myself, I am pitiful and deserve nothing. Is this what everyone feels? Am I the only one who would rather be dead? You would think I'd have learned by now not to cry out, it only makes it worse.

 _Why? Please!_

There I go again, asking for more. 9… 10 … 12. Why am I even counting? I seem to say things out of reflex, perhaps I was brought up wrong.

 _Let go!_

She must have done if this is what's happening to me. If I just let go now the pain might end. Why don't I let go, it would be so much easier for everyone. Why is it that I won't let go?

 _Why are you doing this?_

It's because I am afraid, that's why. I'm scared and I don't know what to do.

 _Stop!_

The tears won't stop, why don't they ever stop? I suppose the ache in my body forces me to cry, and why should it not? It's not my body's fault that it gets treated such. It's all mine. Oh why won't they stop!

 ** _Brother!_**

I didn't get up off the floor until long after the footsteps died away, even after that I stayed where I was, my hair quivering in front of my face as I tried to breathe again. I just lay on my side my knees tucked up to my chest, my hands clasped white in front of them. Even the sun had fallen before I moved. I sighed as the door closed and uncurled my legs, hearing the crack as they got used to being straight once more. I placed one hand on the floor watching the pathetic shaking of my arm as it tried to lift my body of the cold floor. Bringing my knees up once more I pushed myself up and stood in the frosty moonlight that came in through my window. The icy air bit at my skin as I moved to the diamond panelled window, looking at the courtyard of even grey stones below, a black horse snaked across it like a wound. The rider of that horse did not spare me a glance; if he had I would surely have cowered away. And so another day of my life ended as though it expected not to see dawn.


	2. The Best and Worst day

Chapter 2

The best and worst day of my life was when I was 6 years old. It had been a hot summer and the weather was slowly calming down into autumn preparing for the winter, the leaves were falling and the forest outside my home was full of glorious oranges and reds. I had spent most of my time with my thoughts like I did most days, but I was not unhappy, far from it because I had received the best and only letter of my life. It was from my father, whom I've never met. You see I am the illegitimate child of one of the greatest Lords in Telmar, my father fell in love (or so I like to imagine) with a beautiful servant and they had an affair. Obviously I could not live with him so he sent me and my mother to live in a country home in Archenland, I don't remember her apart from one lullaby she sung to me once;

Baby mine, don't you cry.

Baby mine, dry your eyes.

Rest your head, close to my heart,

Never to part, baby of mine.

Little one, when you play,

Pay no heed, what they say.

Let your eyes sparkle and shine,

Never a tear, baby of mine.

If they knew all about you,

They'd end up loving you too.

All those same people who scold you,

What they'd give just for the right to hold you.

From your head down to your toes,

You're not much, goodness knows.

But, you're so precious to me,

Sweet as can be, baby of mine.

Apart from that, the only other thing I remember about her is that she had blonde hair, which she gave to me, although it reminds me of her and I treasure that, it sometimes feels like a curse, heads turn wherever I go making me feel like a foreigner, an outcast. Anyway that morning was especially uneventful, my guardian said goodbye to me then went off to work, although I very much doubt that was all she did as she always came back drunk but as a child I was just confused because she came back too jolly and swaying about as though she were on a boat and she always seemed to have less money which was odd too me seeing as your meant to earn money doing a job not lose it. I once asked her why she was like that, and all I got was a slap across the face and a 'Don't go poking your grubby little nose into people's business, it ain't polite' I never asked again.

After she left for work I dressed myself and ran down to get some breakfast, some dry bread and butter, and then I went out into the garden to sit in my favourite tree. I even named that tree; I called it Martha after my mother, my entire world used to revolve around her even though I could barely remember her. High up in Martha's branches I had tied on a basket and in that basket I put all my most precious possessions, for example a white pearly stone I once found hidden in the long grass, and a ribbon that belonged to my mother and there had been a snail shell until I found out that it wasn't as empty as I had thought and I put it back where I found it. (Herbert was very happy to be set free) After I had checked all my treasures were there I sat on a branch swinging my legs, watching the clouds and imagining the adventures they had so high above the world. I was not prepared for a visitor, in fact I didn't even realise that was something people did, visit each another.

I saw a horse in the distance, that wasn't uncommon, and I thought it would just ride past, but as it came nearer it showed no signs of stopping, and when it rode through our gate I began to scramble down the tree. The excitement that bubbled up inside me was surreal, that's why the memory is so vivid, the feelings were so intense I thought I would burst, or at least I though my heart would it was beating too fast. I ignored any scratches I got as I fought through the leaves and jumped off the highest branch, I sprinted through the house and arrived in the kitchen before there was a knock at the front door.

Suddenly I wasn't quite so sure; I had barley talked to anyone other than my guardian and perhaps a passing hello to the neighbours, what if this person was cruel or wanted to kidnap me? I jumped as there was another knock and quietly I tiptoed towards the door paused for a moment then reached up and unlatched the door, slowly I creaked it open and peered round the edge. There was a boy outside the door, even though he looked more like a man to me he couldn't have been more than 14, I saw the look of confusion on his face as he stared at the place where a face should have appeared, but then he looked down at me and realisation replaced it. He stooped down to my level and smiled, it seemed so warm and genuine I almost thought he knew me.

'Hello there. Is your mother here?' He had a slight accent which was different to the usual Telmarine accent, it was soft and lilting and I opened the door a little more.

'N-no I don't have a mother' I replied quietly, as I tugged on my hair twisting it round my fingers, knotting it.

The boy frowned 'Oh how about your father?' This question sounded more hopeful, and it made me not want to reply so as not to disappoint him.

'No' I said simply, and then as an afterthought I added 'It's just me, my guardians gone to work' the boys frown deepened and I didn't like it so I twisted my hair more.

'Right, well err- I have a letter for a Lady. Belmonte' it was my turn to frown.

'My father's name is Belmonte but I didn't take his name' I was disinherited because I was the bastard child, which means I took my mother's name, Gaspar.

'The letter might explain that, why don't you give it to your guardian to open later hmm?' He handed me the letter and straightened slowly, he walked back to his horse and mounted it, I expected him to ride straight off but he stopped and looked back at me, I got the impression he wanted to say something but he didn't, he just waved then kicked his horse into a trot.

I went back inside and pushed the door shut with both hands, making sure I didn't crumple the letter. It was the first time I wished wholeheartedly that I could read, but I wasn't old enough to go to the local school. So instead I put the letter on the table and went back outside to Martha and waited.

It was late when my guardian came home, the sky was full of stars and the moon was climbing higher, surprisingly she wasn't that drunk and so I was not so afraid to ask her to read the letter. At first she laughed, not believing that anyone had sent me a letter, but when I told her who it was addressed to she stopped and asked me to fetch it. She tore it open carelessly and dropped the envelope; I seized it from the stone floor and clutched it to my chest in case it was the only part I was allowed to keep. Her eyes scanned the letter quickly her brow furrowing intently, she paused for a moment to look and me her eyes wide, then she found an armchair and sat down heavily before continuing to read. I stood before her awkwardly, waiting for her to explain what it said, and who sent it for I didn't know anyone else. At last she looked up and sighed, narrowing her eyes as if to understand.

'Well, it looks like it's from your father, sort of.'

'Father? What does he want?' My heart was thudding again and my palms had begun to sweat.

'You're not Miss. Gaspar anymore; you've been reinstated as a lady no less and you've got two brothers and you're to live with 'em ' The world suddenly exploded into colour, so many options surrounded me, a life with my father and I would have brothers to play with, maybe even a mother. I wouldn't have to live with my guardian anymore, I could have friends and maybe pets. We could go on walk and pick flower It felt like I was drowning in happiness, those few moments were the happiest of my life, then it all came crashing down, with a few words. I never understood the power of words until then and how much they can hurt.

'Why are you looking so 'appy? He's dead. This is his will, I dunno why you're in it though' I didn't understand what a will was but I defiantly knew the word dead, I first heard it when my guardian told me why my mother wasn't around. She's dead, my father's dead.

I couldn't face it, I was an orphan but I didn't want to hear it, so instead I asked 'So what's my name?'

'Lady Ellen Belmonte'.

That day was the best day of my life because, even if it was for a moment, I thought that someone cared about me and wanted me, but when that moment ended and I knew the truth, I think some part of me wanted to remain igorant.

Miss Ellen Gaspar was naive and content, Lady Ellen Belmonte was not.


	3. The ball is drawing near

**Chapter 3**

 **Hi the POV from now on will be 3** **rd** **person, apart from the flashbacks which will be 1** **st** **person. I don't really know what I'm doing but I enjoy writing sooo anyway comment if you want, or don't I don't mind :) Hope you like it!**

 **Disclaimer: No I still don't own Narnia :( darn!**

She needed a drink. The arid dry heat of the day was beginning to become unbearable in the cramped carriage Ellen was travelling in, she hadn't had any water since they had begun their journey, her throat was parched and she was absentmindedly smacking her lips together dreaming of cool streams and icy lakes. The hazy light made it difficult to see the trees as they streaked past, and the jolting of the carriage was starting to make Ellen feel ill, although it wasn't only that, there was something far worse heading her way and it sent her stomach rolling.

An invitation to a ball had been sent out in order to gather all the most respectable and wealthy princesses and lady's and place them in one room, the Lords of Telmar hoped that the king would finally choose a bride, and what better way to do that than put all the women in a line and make him choose. This opened up an opportunity for Nicholas and Richard Belmonte because they were bored of their sister and wanted rid of her, they had no hopes of getting the king interested in her but they were certain they could find a tyrant suitable for Ellen, such a man that could make her beg for mercy as they had done.

There was no place better to find a husband than at a ball held in the palace because wealthy lords would be looking for a wife, and the king could not have all the women. So on the 13th of June Ellen found herself on her way to be sold off, except she was a lot less heavy hearted than you would expect, because despite her nerves this was an opportunity for _her_ to find a husband, if she could just meet one agreeable enough she might just have a chance to escape her torturous life. Still, it wouldn't hurt for her to have one drop of water.

She cautiously glanced across at her brothers, and sighed, it was safe they were asleep, she relaxed down into her, albeit uncomfortable, seat her back pressed up to the warm wood and her head against the window frame willing the journey to go faster. For a few minutes everything was calm, her breathing slowed and she drifted into the imaginary, soon she was asleep and dreaming.

But her dreams were not kind to her, she found herself in the middle of a lake on a boat and she needed water, naturally she leant over the side to scoop up some to drink, but she could not get it to stay in her hand, no matter how hard she tried the water never reached her lips. Then the boat was over turned and she was drowning but she still couldn't get any water in her mouth, she was thrashing around desperately trying to get to the surface but she could no longer swim as cold dead hands were pulling her down further until.

She pushed away from the edge of the carriage grabbing on to the window frame, chest heaving as she tried to get her bearings, her entire body pulled taut and shaking. After a few moments, her confusion lifted, she slumped down and rested her forehead on her knees, breathing deeply through her nose. _It was just a dream_ Ellen meticulously repeated this to herself until she felt somewhat normal again. She sat up, intending to just relax, definitely not sleep, for the rest of the journey, but something caught her eye. It was Nicholas' water skin; it was sat beside him so innocently and temptingly inviting her over. Ellen dismissed the idea and decided to turn away and close her eyes. She did not move.

It wasn't wrong for her to want just a drop of water, was it? Her mind protested, but her body had already dragged her up and was one step away from taking it. Slowly she reached out towards the water skin, hand outstretched she carefully took hold of the edge when a hand grabbed hold of her own a ripped it from the precious life line. If Ellen had been thinking straight she would have checked whether Nicholas was actually asleep, but she hadn't and now she was staring into his black eyes and wishing she were in hell. His eyes were blazing with acrimony but his lips were curled into a smirk.

'Well, well, well' he had stood and had clamped her wrists in his vice like grip, his face inches from hers.

'What do we have here?' he gradually advanced, forcing her to stumble backwards until the back of her knees hit the bench she was sat on. Sharply he threw her back, and she landed with a crack against the wall. Deliberately he settled his hands either side of her head and brought his face in so his lips were almost touching her ear and whispered,

 ** _'_** ** _Thief'_**

She shivered as his breath ghosted over her skin, the claws of panic beginning to suffocate her, abruptly he stepped back. He sneered taking in her wide eyes and trembling hands, she deserved it. He sat once more, cocking his head to the side as he regarded Ellen. Suddenly his mood shifted, he put on the most angelic face he could and spoke in a way that would have most people entranced.

'Get some sleep, dearest sister, we are almost there'

She wasn't thirsty anymore.

On the morning of the ball, the palace was buzzing with excitement, the maids and cooks and footman and butlers were practically riotous, running in every direction crying out for more flour and more sheets, who last saw the brush, and who took my damn iron? The atmosphere was tense but it held a certain amount of thrill at the coming ball that threatened to take over, and because of this the king had run. He had run to the palace gardens, to the only place where no one was trying to put him in stiff clothes or ask for his signature on an important piece of paper that _must be signed immediately sire!_

In his hiding place no one was judging him and he could almost imagine he was just a regular man, almost. Surrounding the royal gardens was an old but sturdy wall with ivy climbing all over it and in the bottom right hand corner there was a door. However to find the door you'd have to push away mountains of weeds and flowers to get there. The only way Caspian knew it was there was because at the age of 6 his father took him and let him 'discover' the hidden door before sitting him down on the rusted bench and telling him why it was there.

Holding away the debris, he leaned against the door, opening it as it groaned its protests, and after stepping through he made sure to rearrange the foliage and close the door, he didn't want anyone to stumble upon the secret he had kept so well. Caspian smiled as he took in the small familiar walled garden, and took a deep breath inhaling the scent of the wild flowers.

He sat down heavily on that same rusting bench and he groaned, today was the day. It wasn't that he didn't want a wife, in the future, but he didn't feel ready, at 24 he had already reigned for 5 years, yet he still felt overwhelmed with his position, he doubted his decisions were wise and discerning like his fathers.

King Caspian IV had never seemed to waver in his verdict he was in control and sure of himself. Even though Caspian could mirror his father's look of authority he never felt that sense of security his father enjoyed. One the one hand a wife could help ease his burden, but on the other she could realise his vulnerability and let it slip that their king is weak, leading to rebellion maybe even war. No, that could not be allowed to happen, if nothing else he must find a women who is astute and principled, whether he hate her or not. This marriage is not for him, it's for the good of the kingdom. He exhaled sharply, irritated by where his train of thought was leading him.

Caspian swung his legs up onto the bench and lay down, his hands behind his head, the bench was just about long enough if he drew his knees up and, he was able to rest there for a while until the shadows grew longer and he knew he had to return. Grudgingly he got up off the bench and made his way out of his alcove; and with one last look back he shut the door. Walking in the main garden was peaceful enough and certainly better than inside the castle, but in Caspian's view there was something to be said for the overgrown wildness of nature that is just so much more enticing than the clean cut hedges and purposeful rows of flowers. He offered a few smiles to gardeners as he went by, enjoying the fact that there were people around him that weren't fussing over him, apart from the occasional dangerously low bow.

Entering his chambers he walked over to the bathroom and peered inside, sure enough there was a steaming bath waiting for him, he rolled his eyes _, it's like they think I'm an animal._ He then lifted up his arm, sniffed then hastily put it back down. _Alright, maybe I am._ He went in, shut the door to the bathroom and pulled his shirt over his head, revealing his tanned muscular frame sculpted from years of training. He also bore scars from battles unfortunately not that long ago; however he was not ashamed of them and wore them with pride. After stripping he got into the bath and sank down, so the water was just touching his chin, he felt the stress of the day melt away as his muscles were soothed by the hot water. Maybe this wouldn't be so bad.

 **Thank you for reading! I don't mind constructive criticism by the way :)**


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